First, let's rewind 7 days to last Monday. We had Family Home Evening at Yolandas house. Yolanda is the coolest member in the world, she always has a reference and a cup of juice for us. And we were celebrating Elder Rojas´s birthday as well, so we invited a ton of people, but only a couple showed up hahaha. But, what we lacked in quantity we made up for with quality! We had Yamila (my first baptism), Gerardo (my second baptism) and Belen (his wife), Gonzalo, a super funny, nice member, Our old Mission leader Brother Omar, and four awesome missionaries. Me, Rojas, Schoonover, and Salmon. And what made it so great was because Yolanda knew that Me & Elder schoonover LOVE hot, spicy food. People here call us Yankees if we're from America, but they know elder schoonover is part mexican so they assume he can handle super hot food. And everyone who knows ME, knows that I put Tabasco sauce on everything eat. I've been doing this from about age 8. In fact, I was distraught to learn that Tabasco sauce isn't sold in stores here that my mom ordered 500 Tabasco packets (picture th ketchup packets you get from fast food places, only with Tabasco in them) and found a way to fit them in my mission suitcase! I get to use one a day!!!!
So Yolanda had bought a bunch of chiles, known here as Ajì mala palabra, which means the "bad word" chile, I don`t know which bad word it is, but it`s like the ******** Chile, the people here swear in the name of the chile due to the intenseness of the chile... So, everyone started peer pressuring "someone" to eat one (someone as in the yankees). The lot fell on Elder Schoonover, (usually I would have jumped on this crazy wagon before this point but I was a little cautious of these peppers because I had already eaten two of them the day before when we went by yolandas house for our daily dose of references and juice.) So, being the mature Elders that our mothers raised, we proceeded to dare and DOUBLE DARE elder schoonover to eat a chile cause "he's mexican and can handle it". His pride kicked in and he said "GIVE ME TWO!" We were stunned, but we were still all running our mouths, and all I remember was that there was a slight argument, and it ended with Schoonover claiming "GIVE ME FIVE THEN". So he threw all 5 in his mouth with almost no hesitation, I might add. And then we all waited. He chewed, chewed and chewed and swallowed and BAM, it hit him like a wall, his face turned red and his eyes went wide and you could see the regret and terror on his face. It was hilarious. We were all dying of laughter. Poor elder Schoonover was crying from the pain and heat and we were crying because of laughter. This went on for about 2 minutes of straight laughing. Finally after about ten minutes Elder Schoonover regained control of his faculties and we all sat there holding our sides because we all gave ourselves cramps from laughing so hard. But it wasn't over after that, as if on cue, everyone turned on me, like sharks to bleeding prey. Boom! Suddenly I was now sitting there with 3 chiles in hand and being pummeled by peer pressure and MY pride kicked in and I put all 3 chiles in my mouth and I chewed and chewed and chewed and swallowed and I sat there. I Waited and I waited some more. Nothing. I was Dumbfounded. These things had destroyed me the day before and now I felt nothing? I thought hmm...I must be more manly than I thought. Feeling pretty high of myself I looked at everyone around me who were in turn looking intently at me and I said "nothing happened." There were groans thrown out by the pack of hyenas gathered around me and I thought...."hah! That's what they get for doubting my yankee abilities!" They started looking for their next victim and I continued to sit there. Suddenly I felt something growing from the back of my mouth. It was NOT a pleasant feeling. I felt it creep up slowly and slowly and spread. And then this feeling started getting more powerful and more powerful and I started to realize, by and by, that this uhhh... this hurt, like Hurt hurt!!! That's right. Those bad word peppers had a delayed reaction. And they were coming at me with a fiery fury!!! I was looking all around me, looking for an escape route from this horrible mistake, but all I succeeded in doing was drawing the attention of those whom I had once called my friends. The first to notice my panic was Belen who pointed and exclaimed loudly "It Worked!!" All attention was now on Elder Porter and they had found me at the peak of my internal pain. They wasted no time in laughing at my expense as I sat there, face beat red and at the edge of oblivion. As my tongue slowly melted inside my mouth, I looked left and right for a hint of compassion from these my fellow servants and found none. Just pure enjoyment and mirth. Karma! I am grateful that I was able to give these people such pleasure in their lives. After I quenched the fire of death from my face, they immediately began looking for another victim. The dare then went to Elder Salmon, Gerardo and Elder Rojas. It took a lot of coaxing but we managed to make them eat a chile as well. Gerardo was first. He ate his Chile bravely, but he is a full grown man so he wasn't bothered to much by it. Then elder salmon went into the ring of fire and came out a little charred but unscathed. Finally Elder Rojas put the chile shaped Death in his mouth and it was almost the end of him. He is REALLY not accustomed to hot food and as the magma chile started fulfilling it purpose in Elder Rojas, I thought, for almost a moment, that we had just killed my companion. He reacted horribly and we may have traumatized him for life! It was Hilarious. I was dying of laughter and so were my fellow cohorts as we watched Elder Rojas cling to life. It was HILARIOUS. After wards when we had all recovered and mentally proclaimed never to eat a chile again. We shared a scripture about the importance of families and left before they made us eat something else crazy dumb.
I'm sorry i don't have time to write about much else this week but I want to share my testimony about the danger of pride. Pride is the opposite of humility and humility is neccessary to allign our will with Gods will. We all need to remain humble at all times so that we can be ready to perform Gods Will. Pride will only lead to fiery, painful eternal fire and regret.
I love you guys.
Elder Ren Porter.
P.S. Great Object lesson, No?
Elder schoonover in the grips of "bad word" chile pain.
Our little group at Yolandas house. I'm in the very back, looking like a creepy stalker.
This lovely graffiti is an american eagle being shot at by the nice people of argentina, next to it we observe a vulture painted like the american flag above the vein of central america, which connects to a giant heart, which is south america! Should I be more scared of this area than I am?